


you and me and some l-o-v-e (all good things come in threes)

by mischief7manager



Series: do you still believe in love i wonder [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, F/M, Gay Male Character, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7835185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischief7manager/pseuds/mischief7manager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Six months into his relationship with Keyleth, Vax was happier than he could ever remember being. He had a beautiful, kind, intelligent girlfriend, who for some reason wanted to be with him, he had a steady job, he had his sister, he had everything a man could want.</p><p>Everything a man should want.</p><p>Vax had never done well with 'should's."</p><p>Vax is confused, Keyleth has suggestions, and Gilmore is just ready for good things to happen to him for once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you and me and some l-o-v-e (all good things come in threes)

**Author's Note:**

> I just really like writing fic where people actually talk about their feelings.
> 
> Spoilers through episode 41. Title from "Three" by Cameron Ernst.

Six months into his relationship with Keyleth, Vax was happier than he could ever remember being. He had a beautiful, kind, intelligent girlfriend, who for some reason wanted to be with him, he had a steady job, he had his sister, he had everything a man could want.

Everything a man should want.

Vax had never done well with “should”s.

It started with a coffeeshop.

Actually, it started with the no good, piece of shit, godforsaken coffee maker in Vex and Vax’s apartment. The thing was there when they moved in, a relic from the previous tenants, and it was looking pretty rough even then. It took them an average of fifteen minutes to turn it on in the morning. Both of the twins had developed their own methods of getting it to function. Vex performed a complicated sequence of taps, smacks, and other forms of percussive maintenance on its various parts and buttons, which usually resulted in it spitting out something not entirely unlike coffee. Vax, taking a more personal approach, threatened it with a kitchen knife until it did what he wanted. They got by.

Until the day came when the no good, piece of shit, godforsaken coffee maker finally kicked the bucket. And despite Vex’s drumming, and Vax’s threats, it remained well and truly dead. Most inconvenient, it decided to die at 6:30 on a Monday morning, on a day when Vax was scheduled to work a double shift. He left the mechanical carcass to Vex, already scrolling on her phone to find a replacement coffee maker at a discount, and set off toward work. He hated buying coffee from a shop, it still felt like an extravagance, and he didn’t feel he could afford to make a habit of it, but the thought of going through the day without caffeine was truly nightmarish.

He passed a couple possibilities, more as he moved out of the part of town with his apartment and towards the center of the city. He and Vex couldn’t afford a particularly nice place, but many of the neighborhoods around them had been gentrifying the last few years, the laundromats and hole-in-the-wall diners replaced with organic gluten-soy-lactose free cafes and stores that sold records to be ironic. Vax could duck into one such hipster haven, but everything about people who had money spending money to act like they didn’t have money (and in doing so taking away money from people who really _didn’t_ have money) rubbed him the wrong way, and his morning was off to a lousy enough start as it was. He was about to give up and just drink the dregs of whatever was brewing at work (at that time, an assembler job at a factory in the industrial part of the city; not his ideal, but it paid the bills) when he saw it.

Later on, Vax would be hard-pressed to put a finger on what, exactly, made him decided to enter the door of Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. Perhaps it was the decadent aroma wafting out onto the street, chocolate and fresh baked bread and at least a dozen spices he couldn’t put a name to. Perhaps it was the stylized unicorn logo writ large on the front window, a lively contrast to the understated displays in the surrounding shops. Perhaps it was the rainbow flag fluttering merrily over the entryway.

Whatever the reason, Vax found himself passing under the rainbow flag and pushing the door open.

Gilmore’s Glorious Goods, it turned out, was something of a mishmash. There was a counter on the far wall, coffee machines and blenders visible behind it, with a couple of people waiting to order. Tables of various sizes dotted the open floorspace, no two quite alike, and surrounded by chairs that were equally varied. The walls of the shop were covered, floor to ceiling, in bookshelves. At a glance, Vax couldn’t tell if the books were in any sort of order, only that there must be hundreds of them, of all colors and sizes. Next to the bar, a doorway was covered by a beaded curtain, which swayed gently in the breeze created by Vax’s entrance.

The whole thing looked like it had been furnished out of a particularly sophisticated flea market, and Vax loved it immediately.

The door chimed when he opened it, and the woman behind the counter glanced up. “Be with you in just a moment!” she said, as Vax stepped into line behind a suit-clad businessman speaking swiftly into his mobile phone. The woman, Sherri by her name tag, got the businessman’s attention long enough to take his order. It was complicated, judging by the amount of notes she made on the disposable cup in her hand, and she pursed her lips in frustration. Turning away from Vax, she strode to the back doorway and stuck her head through the beaded curtain. “Gilmore! Come get this customer will you, I’ve got to deal with Mr. Venti Soy Quadruple Shot Latte with No Foam.” She turned back to the bar, a customer service smile plastered across her face. “Gilmore will take care of you.”

“He certainly will!”

Vax blinked. A hand swept the beaded curtain back. It was followed by an arm, then a torso, then the full body of… Well. Vax was struggling to think of the proper adjective. The man had black hair, pulled back from his face in a neat ponytail. A small braided goatee hung from his chin, a single shining bead capping the end of it. His shirt was deep purple, made of material that looked like it cost more than Vax’s monthly rent, and was open to the middle of his chest, exposing smooth brown skin and just a hint of dark hair. He had rings on six of his ten fingers, several piercings in the lobes and cartilage of both ears, and at least three necklaces of various lengths around his neck. Upon seeing Vax standing at the counter, he grinned, revealing gleaming white teeth, and strode towards him, propping an elbow on the bar and leaning over.

“Well, hel-LO, there. And who might you be?”

Vax blinked again. “Vax.”

The man, if it was possible, grinned wider. “Vax. What do you like?”

Vax blinked. Again. “I’m sorry?”

“To drink, handsome.” The man held up a coffee cup, “Vax” written in Sharpie on the side. “Unless, of course, you have a better idea to jumpstart your morning.”

Vax shook his head. “No, yes, coffee, of course. Just- just a latte, please.”

The man sighed. “Very well.” He wrote something else on the cup and put it to the side, ringing the order in on the cash register. Vax pulled out a rather wrinkled bill, which the man plucked from his fingers. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before,” he said, pulling out Vax’s change. “I make a point of knowing my customers, and, well.” He handed back the change, fingers just brushing against Vax’s palm. “I’m sure I would have remembered meeting you.”

To Vax’s surprise, he smiled. “No, I don’t normally buy coffee, but,” he shrugged, “my maker broke this morning, so.”

The man nodded. “Tragedy drives us to unspeakable acts.” He stretched a hand across the counter. “Shaun Gilmore. I own the place.”

Vax took it. “Vax’ildan.”

Gilmore smiled. “A pleasure to meet you, Vax’ildan.”

After that, it sort of became a habit. Not every day, Vax couldn’t afford that much coffee, but once or twice a week, he’d stop by Gilmore’s for a cup. It helped get him up in the mornings, he reasoned, and once the factory job ended, well, he still needed to get up in the mornings, didn’t he? After a while, Vex started tagging along, to “see what all the fuss is about” she claimed, and soon their entire friend group were regulars at Gilmore’s. Keyleth brought potted transplants from her garden, saying the place needed more greenery. Scanlan talked Gilmore into hosting open mic nights, which frequently involved him reading truly horrendous poetry. Percy bought books upon books, and would spend far too much time discussing them with Gilmore, who, despite the sheer volume of books in his shop, knew the contents of each and every one.

Vax himself would often stay after closing to help Gilmore clean up, and listen as Gilmore talked about… Well, everything, really. Customers that had come through the shop. The menu choices, and how they stacked up to his competitors. (It wasn’t that Gilmore had a problem with vegan, gluten-free, or any other complicated orders, he explained to Vax. What bothered him was that when they became “trendy”, they usually became expensive, which made them inaccessible to people who had genuine allergies or dietary restrictions.) Gilmore prided himself on quality, affordable food, for anyone who wanted it. Having been unable to afford good food for long stretches of his life, Vax admired that philosophy. He told Gilmore as much.

In truth, Vax found himself growing to enjoy Gilmore’s company, more than he had perhaps anticipated. He had an easy rapport with the man, the kind of casual dynamic he seldom developed with other people. He liked Gilmore, and Gilmore liked him.

Gilmore liked him quite a lot.

Look, Vax was no fool. He knew that Gilmore was attracted to him, and he was certain if he were to ask him out, Gilmore would say yes. Gilmore never pressed Vax, never made any gesture or said anything that might make Vax uncomfortable, but he didn’t exactly hide his affections, either. And it was flattering, frankly, to be the object of those affections, coming from a man as attractive and charming as Gilmore, and Vax hadn’t been flattered very often, so yes, perhaps he let it go on longer than he should have. He was half head over heels for Keyleth when he first met Gilmore, and maybe he didn’t put a stop to it then because he didn’t know how that whole mess would resolve itself, but he’d been in love with Keyleth for several months now, and still his banter with Gilmore was as flirtatious as ever.

That, in and of itself, wasn’t a problem. Vax flirted with a lot of people. He liked flirting, and everyone in his life knew him well enough to not take it seriously. He’d asked for Vex’s advice, when he realized that he might have serious feelings, if she thought he should stop flirting with other people besides the person he had feelings for (he didn’t mention Keyleth; he leapt that particular hurdle later), and his sister had laughed at him. “Why?” she’d asked. “It’s not like you mean any of it.”

And there lay Vax’s problem. He did mean it. At least, when it came to Gilmore.

He didn’t mean to mean it, honestly. He loved Keyleth, really loved her, like he’d always imagined loving someone. She made him feel loved, and safe, and a dozen other things he never thought he’d get to feel.

Which was why letting Gilmore think something might happen between them was unfair and wrong.

That was what Vax told himself, that night at the coffee shop. Everyone was there, celebrating something or other (not that they needed the excuse) and Vax finally gathered up the courage to pull Gilmore aside and give him the speech he’d been planning all evening: the speech where he told him the truth. The whole truth. The “I love someone else and it’s never going to happen and you deserve better than this anyway” truth. Because Gilmore needed to know so he could start moving on. It was the right thing to do.

It was the right thing to do.

Kissing Gilmore wasn’t in the plan. Vax knew even in the moment that he shouldn’t, but he wanted to soften the blow, he wanted to give Gilmore _something_. Something to let him know that he still cared, that it wasn’t Gilmore’s fault, that despite everything Vax didn’t want to hurt him.

Judging by Gilmore’s face as he walked away when they were through, Vax was pretty sure he hadn’t succeeded.

He didn’t tell anyone else about what had happened. If they noticed that he and Gilmore kept their distance for a while, they said nothing. Which was good. Vax should be moving past it, that was what he’d wanted. And then the Keyleth thing happened, for real, and they were together, and he was in love, and it was so much more scary and wonderful and--well-- _more_ than he’d thought it could be, and he put Gilmore and their conversation and especially that last look on Gilmore’s face out of his mind.

Mostly.

 

* * *

 

Six months into his relationship with Keyleth, Vax’s plan was mostly working. He was happy, Keyleth was happy, Gilmore was happy, everyone was happy. And if at times Vax found himself looking a Gilmore a little too long, and if at times he happened to catch Gilmore looking back, well. Nobody had to know, did they? It was fine. Everything was fine.

Until, quite abruptly, it wasn’t.

They were meeting Gilmore at his shop after closing (they, in this instance, being Vax, Vex, and Keyleth) to go out for drinks. Vax wouldn’t have gone, but Vex said it’d been forever since she’d hung out with Gilmore, and longer since he and Keyleth had done something that wasn’t just the two of them, and wouldn’t it be nice to unwind, and if anyone knew the best places to drink in the city it was Gilmore, right, come on, brother, please?

And then she’d given him the Trinket sad eyes, and as usual, he’d folded like a house of cards.

Damn her.

So now Vax walked, arm in arm with Keyleth, down the street towards Gilmore’s shop, wishing the others of their group had been able to make it on this excursion on the off chance they might have made him feel less like an awkward moron. But Pike had the night shift at the hospital, Scanlan had Kaylie for the weekend, and Grog had begged off in favor of watching some ultimate fighting match, so it was just Vax and the girls tonight.

Which meant that Vex was the first person to spot the broken glass.

“What the hell…” At his sister’s words, Vax pulled away from Keyleth, stepping up beside Vex. They’d reached Gilmore’s shop, but instead of the familiar colorful storefront, they saw only destruction. The front window had been smashed, broken glass scattered across the sidewalk. The flag over the entrance had been pulled down and lay in a crumpled heap in front of the door, which stood ajar. Dimly, Vax registered the scrape marks on the doorjamb. It had been kicked in.

He paused only to utter a sharp “Stay back” to Keyleth and Vex before his careful steps led him through the door into Gilmore’s once pristine business. Chairs and tables were overturned, books flung from shelves across the floor, and the only illumination was from the streetlamps shining through the gaping hole in the glass. It was because of the dim lighting that Vax was halfway across the shop before he noticed the limp form sprawled out, unmoving, from behind the counter.

“Gilmore!” He bolted forward, feet skidding across the floor, and fell to his knees, unheeding of the broken glass. Hand shaking, he drew the motionless body into his lap, brushing silken dark hair away from the face. “Vex! Keyleth, get in here!”

Dimly, he heard them approach, heard Keyleth’s gasp and Vex’s muttered curse. “Call an ambulance,” he said, and Vex nodded, pulling out her phone and dialing.

Keyleth knelt next to Vax, wide eyes scanning over Gilmore’s body. “Is he hurt bad?”

Vax shook his head. “I don’t know.” Almost without his meaning to, his hands moved over Gilmore’s head, smoothing his hair back. “I don’t know what happened, I-”

He broke off, feeling movement from the body in his arms. “Gil?” He shifted slightly, moving to see Gilmore’s face as his eyes fluttered open. “Gil, it’s me, it’s Vax. Can you hear me?”

Gilmore’s eyes rolled in his head, struggling to focus, but finally he locked on to Vax’s face. A small smile spread across his lips. “Vax.” His voice was raspy, barely more than a whisper. “I thought it’d be you.” He moved, trying to sit up, but his body seized in Vax’s arms and he let out a whimper, face twisting in pain.

“No, don’t-” Vax pulled him closer, supporting his weight as Gilmore shuddered. “It’s alright, Vex is calling an ambulance, it’s gonna be alright, Gil, it’s alright. It’s alright.” He didn’t know what he was saying, really, but it seemed to help some.

Gilmore turned his head, burrowing into Vax’s chest, his breath heavy and uneven. Vax swallowed hard. Looking over Gilmore he saw Keyleth, watching them. Her eyes were wide, glassy with unshed tears, and when she caught his gaze she blinked, looking away. He had a moment to wonder _what must she be thinking_ , but then Gilmore twitched, groaning, and Vax turned his attention back to the injured man in his arms.

When the ambulance came, Vax had to force himself to turn Gilmore over to the EMT’s. Even as they loaded him onto a stretcher, he couldn’t help but keep one hand clasped in his, Gilmore’s weak grip the only indicator of his consciousness. And when they asked if any of them would ride with him to the hospital, Vax paused only to press a kiss to Keyleth’s cheek and tell his sister to let the others know what had happened before climbing into the back of the ambulance.

Vax clutched Gilmore’s hand until the ambluance screeched to a halt in the emergency room entrance. He hopped out and stepped back, needing to stay close to Gilmore but knowing to keep out of the way, as the EMT’s unloaded the gurney. He followed a couple steps behind as people began to swarm around them.

“ _Vax?_ ”

He jerked, head whipping to find who had called to him, until- Of course. Pike stood, clad in her soft blue scrubs, eyes wide, growing wider as she took in who was on the gurney before her. She stepped forward, taking the place of one of the other medical staff, and began pushing alongside the others, wheeling Gilmore further into the hospital. “What happened?” she asked, looking back at Vax as he trailed behind her.

“I don’t know,” he said, nearly tripping as he tried to keep up, “his shop was smashed, we just found him like this, I don’t-”

“Sir.” One of the people, a nurse maybe, stepped in front of Vax, one hand held out in front of him. “I’m going to have to ask you to go to the waiting room while we assess this man’s injuries.”

Vax reeled back. “What? No, I’m not gonna leave him.”

The man frowned. “Sir-”

“Tristan.” Pike placed a hand on the man’s arm. “He’s okay.”

The man, Tristan, frowned harder, but stepped aside and let Vax pass. “Come on,” Pike said, and Vax followed her down the hall.

The next hour or so passed in blur of motion and medical jargon. By the time Vax’s head stopped whirling, Gilmore had been given a room and an IV, and Vax was listening to Pike detail his injuries.

“It looks like he’s got a concussion, a broken arm, two broken ribs, and some minor internal bleeding,” she said. Her tone was neutral and professional, but Vax could read the fear and anger at seeing her friend hurt in the set of her jaw and the tension in her shoulders. “Somebody wanted to hurt him, badly.”

“Will-” The word came out hoarse and rasping. Vax cleared his throat. “Will he be alright?”

Pike’s expression softened. “He’ll need bed rest and observation for a few days, to monitor the internal damage, and probably some physical therapy for that arm once it’s healed, but… Yeah, Vax. He’s gonna be fine.” She stepped up to the side of Gilmore’s bed, opposite to where Vax sat in what had to be a deliberately uncomfortable armchair, and pushed some hair back from Gilmore’s face. “He’ll be asleep for a while, probably. We gave him the good drugs, and his body needs rest to process and start healing, so.”

She looked back to Vax, the ever-present warmth in her eyes tinged with something like understanding. “You should go home, Vax. Get some sleep.”

Vax rose from his chair, protest already forming, but Pike cut him off. “You’re no good to anyone if you wear yourself out, least of all him.” She moved around the bed to place a gentle hand on Vax’s arm. “It’s been a rough night for you, too, Vax,” she said, and he found himself leaning into the warmth of her touch. “Go home. I’ll call you if anything changes.”

Vax nodded, then pulled Pike into a hug. She was short enough to tuck neatly under his chin, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her silver-blonde head. “Thanks, Pickle,” he said around the lump in his throat.

And he left.

 

* * *

 

The next month and a half or so passed in an uneasy normalcy. Vax went to work, came home, went out with his friends, spent time with Keyleth. On the surface, it would seem that nothing had changed, except for his visits with Gilmore, at first to his hospital room, later to his room in the long-term recovery ward.

Vax knew better.

Keyleth was… distant. It wasn’t immediately noticeable: she still called and texted, still came to their dates, still spent the occasional night in his apartment, still let him spend the occasional night in her house. They did nothing more than lay together and sleep, on those nights, but that was the same as before, too. Vax was still learning to navigate a romantic relationship that didn’t involve sex, but he was trying, and Keyleth knew that, and they’d talked about it, and it was working.

He’d thought it was working.

But he caught her looking at him sometimes, like she was considering him in a way she hadn’t before. She’d linger when she kissed him, but pull away when he kissed her. She jump when he found her on her laptop, always shutting it before he could glimpse what she was reading.

And still, he went to Gilmore.

It was like something had broken in him that night, whatever self control he had when it came to the other man grinding beneath his heel like so much shattered glass. He visited Gilmore every chance he got throughout his recovery, through the hospital stay and the physical therapy, and what seemed like endless questions from the police. Those were the worst days, because they usually had Gilmore go through the attack with them. So Gilmore described, in a light, breezy tone, how three men broke into his shop, vandalized his livelihood, and beat him near to death. Again. And again. And again.

Every time he told the story, his grip on Vax’s hand would get a little tighter.

“Why do they keep making you do this?” Vax asked, after the fourth time one of his visits to Gilmore’s room in the recovery ward was interrupted by a police officer wanting another account. This one, at least, was quick about it, leaving after only half an hour, but even that much left Gilmore shaken. “Don’t they have what they need by now?”

Gilmore sighed. “Apparently not, since they’ve been unable to produce any substantive leads.”

Vax’s frown deepened. “They don’t know who did it?”

Gilmore chuckled hollowly. “Not yet. If my suspicions are correct, I doubt they’ll find out any time soon.”

“Your suspicions?”

Gilmore smiled, and patted Vax’s hand. “Not to worry, Vax’ildan. I won’t trouble you with my paranoia.”

He started to pull away, but Vax grabbed his hand. “Gilmore. _Shaun_.” That got his attention, and he fixed on Vax’s face, eyes widening ever so slightly. Vax squeezed his hand. “It’s no trouble. Truly.”

Gilmore looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. “You’re too kind, my friend.” He pulled his hand away, more gently this time, and stretched his arms over his head. “And now, if you’ll forgive me, I’m a bit worn out by all this commotion. I think I’ll catch up on my beauty sleep.” He smirked, the familiar expression brightening his gaunt, over-tired face.

Vax nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll just-” He jerked a thumb at the door and stood. “Take care of yourself, alright?”

Gilmore chuckled. “Only when you’re not around to do it for me.”

Vax crooked a half smile and left, the sound of Gilmore’s laughter echoing behind him.

 

* * *

 

It all came to a head the day Gilmore was released from hospital.

Vax was working when he actually left, his assistant Sherri drove him back to his apartment above his shop, but Vax intended to go over that evening as soon as he left work and dropped some things off at his apartment.

When he got to his apartment, however, he found Keyleth, sitting on his couch, wringing her hands. “Oh! Vax.” She stood when he walked in. “There you are.”

“Keyleth.” Slowly, Vax set down his work bag, reached out to give Trinket a scratch behind the ears, since Trinket ran to greet everyone who walked into the apartment, regardless of how long they’d been gone. He’d given Keyleth the spare apartment key months ago, but as far as he knew, this was the first time she’d made use of it. “Where’s Vex?”

“Out.” Keyleth shifted her weight, tucking her hair behind her ear. “She said something about a movie Percy was interested in seeing.”

Vax nodded. “Right.”

They stood there for a moment in silence. Trinket, apparently sensing the tension, whined softly and padded back to Vex’s room.

“Well,” Vax said finally. “I was just gonna drop this off, so-”

“Can we talk?” The question burst out of Keyleth, and she bit her lip. “If you- just for a minute?”

Slowly, Vax nodded. “Yeah, alright.” He walked over and sat on the couch.

After a beat, Keyleth sat back down, twisting to face him. “So,” she said. “The thing is.” Her hair fell in her face and she pushed it back again. “I’ve been thinking, lately.” She looked up at him. “About us.”

Vax… well, Vax just sort of sat there, frankly. When the silence stretched longer, he said, slowly, “Okay...”

Keyleth took a deep breath. “...and about Gilmore.”

It was good that Vax was already sitting, because he didn’t think his legs could have supported him in that moment. “Keyleth…”

“It’s just-” She shook her head, hands moving in front of her, as they always did when she struggled to find words to express what she meant. “Ever since- you know, what happened, you’ve been spending so much time with him, but. Even before that, you were always- _different_ with him, and I didn’t want to think about it too much, but now I think I _have_ to, and-”

“Keyleth.” Vax’s voice was soft, and he’d have been proud of how little it shook, if anything about him in this moment was worthy of pride. “It’s alright. I understand.”

Keyleth’s eyes widened. “You do?”

Vax nodded. It took a couple of tries to speak around the lump in his throat. “It’s not fair to you, being with someone who’s…” He trailed off and looked down at his hands, eyes starting to sting. “Anyway, you don’t want to get caught up in all this mess, it’s fine, I understand.” He gave a crooked half smile. “Surprised it took this long, to be honest.”

“Wait.” Vax looked back up at Keyleth, startled by the flat disbelief in her voice. “You think I’m breaking up with you?”

Vax blinked. “Aren’t you?”

Keyleth’s eyes, if possible, widened more. “Oh, no, Vax!” She reached over and grabbed his hand, and Vax latched onto it like a lifeline. “No, that’s not it at all!”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Then what?”

Keyleth tilted her head, considering him for a moment. “Do you love him?”

Vax tensed, his sharp inhale overloud in the near empty apartment. “I love you.”

“I know,” Keyleth said. She squeezed his hand, and he closed his eyes for a moment, allowing her touch to ground him, as it always did. When he opened his eyes, she was still looking at him. Her voice was gentle, but he knew she would not be distracted. “That’s not what I asked.”

He looked away, down at their twined fingers. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “I think I could.”

He waited for the rebuke, the denial, some reaction from Keyleth. When none came, he glanced back up at her. She, too, had looked away, eyes slightly glazed, deep in thought. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Keyleth blinked, looked back to him. “What for?”

He swallowed. “I didn’t tell you about… this, any of this, because…” He placed his other hand over hers. “I didn’t want you to feel like- like you weren’t enough for me. Because you are,” he added quickly, seeing her open her mouth to interrupt him, “you’re more than enough, you- _this_ , is so much more than I ever thought I’d-” He cut himself off. He was rambling. He took a deep breath.

“I don’t know why I’m still… about him, but you know, you have to know, it’s not because of you. It’s not because I’m… _missing_ anything.” He risked a glance back up at Keyleth. “It’s not because you’re ace, or because you’re, I don’t know, awkward or stubborn or anything like that. I love all those things about you, it’s not because of you at all.” He squeezed her hand. “I need you to know that.”

Keyleth nodded slowly. “Not gonna lie, that’s… pretty reassuring.” She chuckled, and he did too, the tension between them slowly ebbing, as though it had popped like a soap bubble. After a moment, she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I thought it might be a sex thing at first,” she said, slightly muffled by the fabric of his shirt. “Because we don’t… I thought it might be just about, you know, wanting him.” She lifted her head to face him. “But it’s not, is it.”

A pause. Then Vax shook his head. “No,” he said, feeling a weight he hadn’t even noticed lift from his chest. “It’s not.”

They looked at each other for a moment. Keyleth sighed. “Well,” she said, bright and matter-of-fact, “lucky thing I’m good at sharing.”

Vax stared at her. “What.”

Keyleth stared back. “What, what?”

“You just-” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that?”

Keyleth pursed her lips. “Vax. You remember when I told you about growing up with my dad?”

Vax blinked. “Okay, change in subject, but. Yeah.”

“How we lived on like, a hippie commune until I started high school, and that’s why the clinic is named Ashari, after that place?”

Vax nodded. “...yeah…”

Keyleth shrugged. “I’m just saying, I wasn’t exactly conditioned to have ‘one man, one woman, in a monogamous romantic and sexual relationship with only each other’ as my default, you know?”

Vax blinked again, ran a hand through his hair. “This conversation went in a very different direction than I anticipated.”

He was brought back by Keyleth squeezing his hand. “Look, Vax. You want to be with me, yes?”

He nodded. “ _Yes._ ”

“And you also want to be with Gilmore, yes?”

He nodded again, slower. “Yes.”

Keyleth smiled. “Then we’ll figure it out. At some point, we should sit down, all three of us, but…” She twisted, grabbing her phone from the coffee table beside the couch. “For now, it’s getting late.” She squeezed his hand once more, then let go, standing up and stretching. “If you’re gonna go see him, you should do it soon.”

Vax stood, reaching out to pull Keyleth to him, hands splaying over her waist. “You’re really okay with this?”

Keyleth wrapped her arms around his neck. “I think so. I mean, if it turns out I’m not, I’ll tell you obviously, but…” She shrugged. “I kinda think the only way to know if I’m okay with it is to do it, you know?” She let her fingers sink into his hair, and his eyes fluttered shut, sinking into the feeling. “I think this could be good,” she said quietly. “For all of us.”

Gently, she leaned forward and kissed him. Vax melted into the kiss, pulling her close until they were pressed together, holding each other for one still, sweet moment.

Keyleth was the first to pull away. “Go talk to him,” she said, pressing another swift kiss to Vax’s lips. “Even if he doesn’t want this, the least you can do is ask.”

Vax watched her walk away, holding onto her fingers until the last possible second, until her hand pulled free and she shut the door behind her, leaving him alone in his empty apartment.

“Well,” he said. “Holy shit.”

 

* * *

 

The trip from his apartment to Gilmore’s shop was probably the most alternately exciting and nerve-wracking of Vax’s life. He felt as though his veins were buzzing with electric energy, like his every step was lighter than the last. He had no idea how Gilmore would react, of course, but just the knowledge that Keyleth had sent him, that Keyleth loved him, understood something about him that he himself hadn’t even realized- It was like a weight had been hanging over him these past months, and now-

Now he was free.

He needed to do something really nice for Keyleth for their next anniversary.

Like. _Really nice_.

He arrived at Gilmore’s shop just as the street lights were flickering on. It was closed of course, the grand reopening still a few weeks off, but the front window had been replaced, and looking inside, Vax could see that the renovations were nearly done. The interior had been refurbished, and most of what was left to do was reconstruct the bar and install the new equipment.

Vax smiled. Gilmore was back on his feet, and his shop was soon to follow. At last, it seemed, all was right with the world.

As he made his way to the back stairs up to Gilmore’s apartment above the shop, however, his smile dimmed. He’d hurt Gilmore once before, in rejecting him. There was no reason to expect Gilmore to still want him. Hell, if he were in Gilmore’s place, he’d probably laugh in the face of someone who approached him with this kind of offer. Vax’s steps slowed as he arrived at Gilmore’s door, and only the knowledge of Keyleth’s support gave him the strength to keep from turning and walking away. He owed it to Keyleth to sort this out, after everything she’d done for him. He owed it Gilmore to be honest with him, after dragging him along all this time. And…

He owed it to himself to be happy. Or at least, to take a chance at it.

Vax knocked on the door.

It opened. Gilmore stood there, frowning slightly. “Vax’ildan? What are you doing here?”

Vax smiled. “I thought- I wanted to talk to you, if that’s alright.”

“Of course, of course.” Gilmore flashed him a grin as he stepped aside. “I’m afraid I’m not at my hospitable best at the moment, so forgive me if things are a little-” He chuckled. “Well, all over the place, probably. Come in, come in!”

Vax stepped inside, getting a proper look at Gilmore. His usual makeup and jewelry was absent, his long hair loose over his shoulders, and he was clearly dressed for comfort, sweatpants and a t-shirt with the shop’s triple-G logo emblazoned across the front in faded purple. His feet were bare. “Make yourself at home,” he said as Vax trailed him into the living room. Gilmore sank down onto one side of a plush loveseat, patting the other with one hand. “Sit, please. I’d offer you something to drink, but I’m not actually sure what’s left in this place that hasn’t expired. I haven’t gone for groceries yet.”

Vax sat, leaning forward, arms braced on his knees. “That’s alright. I know you’ve only just got out of the recovery ward.”

Gilmore scoffed. “Oh, that. Honestly, my dear, I’d’ve been out _weeks_ ago if I’d had my way, but-” He shrugged expressively. “Sherri insisted I stay as long as they would keep me.”

Vax smiled. “I’m glad.” Before he could talk himself out of it, he reached out and placed his hand over Gilmore’s. “I wouldn’t want you to be at anything but your best.”

Gilmore smiled at him, and Vax could see the moment when the smile turned brittle. “Yes,” he said, a touch too loud, pulling his hand away to run through his hair, tossing it over his shoulder, “well, I’m well on the mend, as you can see.” He shifted, tucking a leg up under himself and leaning away from Vax. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about, Vax’ildan?” He smiled again, and Vax wondered if he’d just been ignoring the pain behind Gilmore’s smiles this whole time, or if he really had never noticed.

He took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk about us.”

Gilmore raised an eyebrow. “Us?”

Vax nodded. “Months ago, when we… When _I_ rejected you…” He wet his lips, watched as the genial expression slid from Gilmore’s face. “I think I made a mistake.”

Gilmore sat very still. “A mistake?”

Vax swallowed. “Yes.” He fidgeted, picking at hole in the knee of his threadbare jeans. “I was… Afraid, I think. Of what I felt.” He looks back to Gilmore. “Of what I felt for you.” Gilmore looked away, and Vax tried not to let it hit him like a physical blow. “It was so simple, being around you, but… I don’t know, everything else just got so complicated and I… I panicked. I was too afraid to take any risks, so I shut you out, and… And it was a mistake.”

“And what does your lovely Keyleth think of this… mistake?” Gilmore still didn’t look at Vax.

Vax laughed, once. “This was actually her idea.” That got Gilmore’s attention, and Vax could see the surprise hit him. He shrugged. “Apparently, she has a more… nuanced understanding of romance than I thought.”

“How nuanced?” Gilmore’s voice was light, but Vax could hear the current of tension underneath.

He smiled. “I want to be with her. And I want to be with you.” He risked a glance up to Gilmore, letting the nervousness and wanting show in his expression. “And she’s willing to give it a try.”

Gilmore didn’t say anything, and Vax, palms sweating against his thighs, rushed to fill the silence. “I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry, and just because I want something doesn’t mean that you’re- _obligated_ , in any sense, I need you to know that. And just because Keyleth is open to- to this, doesn’t automatically mean that you are, I know, but I wanted to- I just wanted-”

“Vax.” A hand covered his, and Vax glanced up to find Gilmore looking at him, expression unreadable.

“I won’t deny,” Gilmore said, “what you said that night. It hurt me deeply.”

Vax nodded. “I know.”

Gilmore sighed. “I thought I could just-” He shrugged, sweeping his free hand through the air. “Move on. Get over you, get _under_ somebody else…” He laughed a little, then sighed. “But it’s never as easy as that, is it.”

Vax waited for a moment. When Gilmore remained silent, he shifted, turning his hand to close it around Gilmore’s. “I know I have no right to ask anything of you,” he said, “but. Please. If there is any part of you that still- that wants to try this-” he huffed an incredulous laugh- “whatever this is, with you and Keyleth and me in the middle… If you don’t, I understand, and I’ll leave and you’ll never have to see me again, but if there’s even the smallest chance for us…” He lifted Gilmore’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, heard Gilmore’s breath catch. “Please. Tell me.”

Gilmore moved closer to him. Vax held very still as Gilmore leaned across the loveseat until they were pressed shoulder to shoulder, foreheads resting against each other. “I could do that,” Gilmore said, voice low and breathless. “Or I could show you.” And he tipped his head up to kiss him.

Kissing Gilmore- kissing _Shaun_ was nothing like Vax had expected. For nearly a year, the only person Vax had kissed was Keyleth, and kissing Keyleth was its own experience. Kissing Keyleth was soft and tender, so sweet sometimes that it made his chest ache. It was warm, and safe, and comfortable.

Kissing Shaun. Well. It started out soft and tender, to be sure. For long seconds, neither of them moved, Vax just drinking in the feel of him. He’d gotten a taste, that night: a swift kiss, more a goodbye than anything else, and he reveled in this kiss, Shaun’s warmth next to his body, their hands still linked between them.

Then Shaun shifted closer, draping his free arm around Vax’s neck to pull him in, lips parting against his, and the kiss rapidly moved from soft and tender to hot and wanting. Vax sighed, releasing Shaun’s hand to wrap both arms around his waist and pull him nearly into Vax’s lap. He felt Shaun’s hand come up to cradle the base of his skull, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, and couldn’t hold back a groan.

“Wait, wait-” he pulled back, breathing heavily. Shaun didn’t stop, kissing down the line of his jaw below his ear, working his lips and teeth over the soft skin just beneath Vax’s earlobe. Vax shuddered, but pressed on. “Shaun- Shaun we don’t-” He reached up to grab Shaun by the shoulders, pulling at him until they were face to face. “We don’t have to rush anything.”

“Vax.” Shaun took his face in both hands. “I haven’t so much as kissed another person in over seven months, and I’ve been in hospital for the last four and a half weeks. I’m fine with rushing.”

“Oh, thank god.” Vax surged up to kiss him again, drawing Shaun down until they were pressed together at the chest, the belly, the hips, swallowed down the soft gasps and moans slipping from Shaun’s mouth. “Bedroom?” he said between kisses.

Shaun groaned against his shoulder. “God, yes.” He stood, pulling Vax up by the arm and kissed him again, leaning down just a fraction now that they were both standing. Vax kissed back, which made it rather difficult to maneuver across the room, but neither of them wanted to pull apart.

They stayed locked in that embrace until Shaun managed to pull Vax into the bedroom. “No more waiting,” he said, and closed the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

Keyleth approached the storefront, more than a little nervous. She and Vax had a standard breakfast date on Thursdays; it gave them a chance to check in with each other, see how they were doing, before they both headed off to work. Keyleth had sort of forgotten about it, actually, with all of the… stuff, last night, but when Vax had texted this morning and said he might be a little late, she’d offered to meet him where he was, save him a trip.

Getting the address to Gilmore’s wasn’t a huge surprise. She’d all but told him to go and jump Gilmore’s bones, for crying out loud. And, yeah, okay, this was kind of all her idea, but she was still a little… anxious. To see how it all turned out. And she’d said she was okay with it, and she _was_ , really, but…

There was also a little part of her that wondered, maybe, if she might not be okay with it after all. And she had to be sure.

So here she was, at 8:30 in the morning, standing in front of Gilmore’s Glorious Goods, fidgeting with the strap of her purse, trying to decide if she should call Vax and get him to come down, or-

She paused. Gilmore stood behind the counter in the shop, looking around and writing something down in a small notebook in front of him. It made sense, this was his place, but somehow Keyleth hadn’t been prepared to see him so soon after… whatever he and Vax had done last night. She was just trying to decide if she should bolt when he glanced up and saw her through the window.

They just sort of looked at each other for a second. Keyleth was sure she was staring like a deer in the headlights, and to be honest, Gilmore wasn’t much more put together. Then, he shook his head. Keyleth flushed, ready to leave, since clearly she was making him uncomfortable, but before she could, Gilmore came out from behind the counter and crossed to unlock and open the shop door. “Waiting on Vax’ildan, I take it?” She nodded, and he swept his arm back towards the shop. “Please, come in.”

She did, still clutching her purse like a security blanket. “You’re rebuilding,” she said, then winced, because _duh_.

If Gilmore noticed her inability to make small talk like an actual person, he was generous enough to ignore it. “Yes, well, partly.” He strode into the shop, and she followed tentatively, watching as he gestured towards the still empty bookshelves. “I’m probably going to gut all of this, here, you see? Make room for more tables and seating.”

Keyleth frowned. “You’re losing the books?”

Gilmore nodded. “Most of my collection was ruined when…” He trailed off, and Keyleth winced. Sure, Kiki, just bring up probably the most traumatic event in his life. Way to be friendly. “Anyway,” he said, turning away and heading back to the counter, “I think it’s more than time for a change.”

Keyleth followed, leaning on the bar across from him and setting her purse down next to her. “I can agree with that.”

They stood there in silence for a few moments, Keyleth pretending to look at something on her phone, Gilmore ostensibly making more renovation notes. Keyleth bit her lip. _Don’t say it, don’t say it, it’s just gonna make things worse, don’t_ -

“This is weird, isn’t it?” Gilmore looked up at her and she blushed. “What we’re doing, you and me and- Vax. I mean, I know I told Vax I was kind of used to the whole- it’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever heard of anybody doing the- the polyamory thing, but-”

“But hearing about it and doing it are very different things?” She nodded, and Gilmore sighed, planting his elbows on the bar in front of him. “It’s… a little weird, yes. Truthfully, I haven’t given myself time to fully consider the implications. Vax’ildan and I were…” He actually flushed. “Somewhat occupied, last night.”

Keyleth blinked. “Oh. _Oh_.”

Gilmore cleared his throat. “Anyway, yes, this arrangement is a bit strange, and complicated, and there will probably be many discussions amongst the three of us, but.” He shrugged, more graceful in that one gesture than Keyleth had probably been in her entire life. “If it works, who’s to say what’s weird and what isn’t?”

Keyleth nodded slowly. “Yeah. Okay. I like that.” She frowned, another thought occurring to her. “And, um. Just because we both- with Vax, does that mean you want to- I mean, you and me, the way we are with- It’s just, you’re great, and all, but-”

“Let me stop you right there.” Gilmore reached across the bar and patted her hand. “Keyleth, you are an incredible woman. But not to worry, you and your gender don’t exactly-” He wrinkles his nose. “Jingle my jangles? If you know what I mean?”

Keyleth burst into giggles. After a beat, Gilmore joined her, until they were both sagging against the bar counter, laughing uncontrollably. They were still laughing when Vax stepped through the back entrance to the shop. He stopped, looking from one of them to the other, brow furrowing. “Everything alright?”

Gilmore nodded, reaching a hand out towards him. Vax took it, let himself be pulled in to Gilmore’s sign. “Everything’s fine, my dear,” Gilmore said, wrapping an arm around Vax’s waist and squeezing. “Just clarifying a few things with Keyleth here.” Vax looked up at him and nodded, then slowly leaned up to capture his lips in a kiss.

Keyleth waited for the jealousy to hit. And it did, a little. The constant _he doesn’t love you, he’s replacing you, you’re not, you’ll NEVER be enough_ flared in her mind, and her chest ached for just a second. But then Vax pulled away, and he smiled at Gilmore, and he looked so light and happy. And then he looked over at her, and it was the same look he’d had that first night, after he’d kissed her for the first time, like he couldn’t believe he was lucky enough for this to happen to him, and the bad feeling burst like a soap bubble, and she smiled.

Vax gently tugged away from Gilmore, walking around the bar to come up to Keyleth. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she said. And before she could talk herself out of it, she tipped her head down ever so slightly, and kissed him, too.

He was still smiling when she pulled away. “Ready to go.”

She nodded, and he grinned, dropping his arm to give her hand a squeeze. “Good, I’m starving.” He turned back to Gilmore, who was watching them, a faint smile on his face. “I’ll see you later?”

Gilmore nodded, smile widening. “Of course. I’m at your disposal.” He winked at Vax, the perfect picture of ease and acceptance.

“Come with us.”

The words were out before Keyleth quite realized that she was going to say them, and she faltered for a moment as Gilmore and Vax both turned to look at her, twin expressions of surprise on their faces. “I mean- if you want,” she said, flushing slightly, “if you feel like breakfast, I mean. I just-” She bit her lip, then smiled back at Gilmore. “I’ve got a lot of embarrassing stories about Vax I never get the chance to tell anyone. If you’re interested.”

Gilmore looked from her to Vax, and a smile spread across his face. “My darling Keyleth,” he said, walking out from around the bar to stand in front of her, “that sounds wonderful.” He held out his arm, like some gentleman out of a period drama, and she stepped away from Vax to take it, another giggle escaping as she did. “Vax’ildan, dearest,” Gilmore said, looking back to Vax, eyebrows raised, “are you coming?”

Vax looked from Gilmore to Keyleth and back again, both of them smiling and contented. “You two are going to be a nightmare together aren’t you.”

Keyleth grinned. “Probably. Now come on.” She tugged at Gilmore’s arm, leading him towards the door of the shop. “I’m feeling waffles.”

Gilmore perked up. “Ooh, there’s a wonderful place a few blocks over. The owner’s a dear friend of mine, have I ever told you…”

So together, Gilmore and Keyleth set off in search of breakfast, their grinning boyfriend following along in their wake.

**Author's Note:**

> jesus this one took forever to finish. but hey, at least the longest fic i've ever written isn't porn! anymore!


End file.
